What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize