May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
