The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
