long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
