update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
