the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
