she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Randomize
