Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize