we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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