Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
