Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he fucked my hip out of place.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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