Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I take back everything I said about communal showers
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
