I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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