Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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