I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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