Me too!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
