i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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