i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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