im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
