Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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