we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
