did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
