I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
