I need help removing her.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
