My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
