So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
