From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
