You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Randomize
