Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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