i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
