oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
