I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
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