If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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