She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
