My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
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I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
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After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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