i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
