My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
