you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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