the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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