I don't remember. Are we still dating?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
