I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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