Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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