Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
