This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
