just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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