the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
