I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
