1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
