you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
