Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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