There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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