He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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