Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
whose ass print is on the piano?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
