Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
