He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
