I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
