I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
