I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize