I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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