I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
