i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
