That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
