wrigley field is MILF paradise
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I understand Curling. That high.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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