my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I woke up under a house in Key West
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