You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
