i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Rumble strips road head = magical
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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