This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is