Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious