Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?