My brain says no but my pants say off.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.