Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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