Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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