I got chris browned last night
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I want her autograph on my taint
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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