I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think a kid would responsible me up
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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