she was so not down for the gang bang
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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