Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
